© Roman Milert - Fotolia.com

I’m in the process of forming groups for my new workshop “Writing for Clarity,” which will focus on tuning into your intuition through writing exercises, determining your desires, and putting them into action through activating intentions. The group is designed to be supportive and create synergy through sharing.  Register now on the Life Gardeners website.

The “Desire into Action – Tuning Into Love” Workshop at Morning Mist Retreats was a tremendous success. Thank you to all who attended – you made it a success! Not only did everyone have fun, we were able to put techniques into action during the workshop. My favorite activity (besides the kazoo “feel good” activity) was Reframing. One of the participants volunteered to share the worksheet with the group & we had a little mini-coaching session right there. Then everyone broke into pairs to share their experience with the exercise. So, with the success of one workshop, I’m ready to delve into more!

We still have room in “Let the Good Vibes Roll – Using the Law of Attraction,” which will be held at Gayatri Healing Center (check out the new website – my first “professional” web design project).  We will cover some of the same material as “Desire into Action – Tuning into Love,” but with a focus on all areas of life. This is an introduction to using the Law of Attraction that will be just as fun as the May 15th workshop, but with an emphasis on using the 5 Steps in every area of your life (health, prosperity, relationships, career). Register now before it fills up!

Today’s article about Michael Wolf and Mahalene Louis, two Austin spiritual teachers and coaches, describes a “missing step” in setting intentions. This step is about “listening” to our inner guidance (higher self, God, etc.) before setting our intentions.

When I spoke with Galen on Wednesday, I expressed to him my desire to meld the understanding I’ve gained about co-creating from the teachings of Carloline Myss with the LOA material I learned from my mentor, Margaret McCraw. What I didn’t know is that he would be writing an article that answers my desire and perfectly expresses what is necessary in order to co-create with spiritual integrity.

I look forward to reading more from Galen and learning about the work of other practitioners in the Austin area. You can read the article here.

Barbara Kelly, MSW, MLC, presents
Margaret McCraw’s “Tune Into Love: Attract Romance through the Power of Vibrational Matching”

Barbara Kelly, MSW, MLC, brings her skill as a therapist and practitioner of Margaret McCraw’s “Tune Into Love” techniques to help you attract fulfilling relationships using the Law of Attraction as seen in the movie The Secret.

Benefits:
Improve existing relationships or attract relationships that work
Find out how to move past blocks
Discover that forgiveness is huge
Demystify meditation or prayer

Experience the four steps to attracting the relationship you desire:
Feel-good moments
Creating a wish list of desires
Setting intentions
Releasing the outcome

Margaret McCraw’s “Tune Into Love: Attract Romance through the Power of Vibrational Matching,” is available for $10.17 (optional).

Register now: retreat limited to 15 people

Barbara Kelly, MSW, MLC, received her Law of Attraction Life Coach Certification through Behavioral Healthcare Consulting with Dr. Margaret McCraw, author of “Tune into Love.” Her Life Coaching practice integrates her therapeutic background with the Law of Attraction to assist clients in reaching their full potential personally and professionally.  http://barbthelifecoach.com

When:    Saturday, May 15, 2010, 10:30 am – 3 pm (lunch included)
Where:    5013 Sendero Springs Drive, Round Rock, TX  78681
Cost:         $6 for lunch. Optional Tune Into Love book for $10.17.
Contact us:     Call 512-255-0075 and send $6 plus $10.17 if you want the book to:
Morning Mist Retreats, 16508 Colwyn Bay Cove, Pflugerville, TX  78660.
What to Bring:  A comfortable pillow to sit on, comfortable clothes, journal and pen.

Morning Mist Retreats is a Texas non-profit organization dedicated to providing retreats that are spiritual, experiential, culturally diverse, and affordable. Our goal is to provide transformative, fulfilling experiences. See www.morningmistretreats.org.

For more information contact Karen Beard, Director, at (512) 255-0075 or karenlynnk2000@yahoo.com

© Paul Hill - Fotolia.com

Anger, Fear, and Resentment prevent us from moving forward in our lives. Forgiveness of ourselves and others is critical if we are to create the lives we desire. Over the next few days, I’m going to explore some of the reasons we feel these negative emotions and ways of finding forgiveness.

Boundary violations
A boundary violation occurs when another person invades our private or emotional space without our consent. This includes egregious violations such as rape, child abuse, assault and murder. It also includes verbal abuse, harsh criticism, and exposure through telling secrets or sharing intimate photographs. We can also violate our own boundaries by sharing too much too soon in a relationship, giving into demands that don’t honor our values, or going along with others to appear “nice.”

When we don’t have good boundaries, we may find ourselves saying “yes” when we don’t want to. Usually this is due to a fear. Common fears include fear of abandonment, fear of being alone, fear of the other person’s anger, or fear of retribution. If you are feeling angry about being abused, criticized or taken advantage of, you are being called to pay better attention to your own boundaries. Learning to say “no,” is self-protective and will help you determine what it is you want and don’t want.

As you reclaim your power to define boundaries, you can move towards forgiveness. Forgiveness may come in the form of taking a “meta-view.” In the case of abuse, you learn empathy for others who have been abused. You also learn to value yourself and to avoid people who are abusive. These are valuable lessons that may not have been learned without having experienced abuse.
When we feel anger and resentment about a boundary violation, we need to ask ourselves the question, “what can I learn from this?” Being angry doesn’t accomplish anything, but we CAN take action. By actively examining the situation, we can find ways to grow through even the most difficult violations. Forgiving someone who abused or assaulted us may be difficult, but it is important to do so for OURSELVES.

Usually people who oversteps boundaries have poor boundaries themselves. They do not understand that what they have done is “wrong.” Forgiveness does not mean inviting the person into our lives to sit at the dinner table; it only means we let it go. We let go so we can move on. We remember what it feels like to be violated and do our best to be aware of our boundaries and the boundaries of others. By doing this, we turn a difficult situation into a positive learning experience. It is possible we may even find ourselves thanking that person (not necessarily face-to-face) for helping us develop strength and empathy.

copywrite - John Langford Photography

On March 13, I volunteered with Art on the Way to put up Barton Barriers. Check out the website and cool video! There’s already been some controversy, as some citizens are upset that the city helped fund this project. It’s money well-spent if only for the sense of community we all felt that day. Neighborhood residents stopped by as the Yodocks were positioned, strapped down, and filled with water. It invites comment, which is useful in and of itself. Austin loves to talk!

based on drawing by a patient at ASH

The weekend before Barton Barriers, I returned to the Austin State Hospital (ASH) to volunteer for Project Hope. The goal of the project is to provide artwork for patient bedrooms, day rooms and visiting area that is created around the theme of “hope.” The project was conceived by Brenda Logan, an artist and former nursing assistant on the children’s unit.  The project is funded by the Volunteer Services Council, which is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit dedicated to enriching the lives of patients receiving inpatient psychiatric treatment at ASH.

It was great seeing former co-workers and dipping brushes in paint to add some color to those institutional walls. I took a panel home with me to paint. I based the picture on one of Stryker’s favorite children’s books, When The Sun Rose (link for book at Amazon at the end of this post). I took some liberties with the original characters to better reflect the patients at ASH.

Project Hope Spring 2010

In keeping with my backwards diary of the month, we also visited the Fort Worth Botanical Gardens for the annual Butterfly Exhibit. Unfortunately, my camera fogged up and wouldn’t cooperate until everyone in my group was ready to leave. I did manage to snap a few shots after numerous attempts to dry the lens with the hair dryers provided (yes, the Botanical Gardens expected this problem!).

If you are wondering what all of this has to do with the Law of Attraction, it’s actually quite simple. Volunteering time and experiencing nature are two ways to raise our vibrational levels. These are “feel-good” moments that bring joy to our lives (and in the case of volunteering, the lives of others).

Fort Worth Butterfly Exhibit

And now the link for “When the Sun Rose” – just click on the Amazon box below! It’s a beautiful story . . .

It IS possible to support yourself on less than 40 hours a week. This is exactly what I did from 2001-2005. In 2001, I left my job at Supportkids.com because it wasn’t allowing me enough time with my children (no, the irony of the name does not escape me!). Between 40+ hours at the job locating noncustodial parents who hadn’t paid child support in years, the 45-minute commute both ways, and picking my children up at daycare, I found myself frazzled and missing my children. I took what seemed a radical step and quit the job to start a cleaning company. What relief! I found out that I could command a better per hour rate and only work 30 hours a week. Daycare went away (as did the over $600/month bill) and I was able to spend the afternoons cooking, gardening, and helping the girls with homework.

What Timothy Ferris proposes is a more radical shift. This shift includes outsourcing tasks to others, developing a system of passive income, and living “on the go” by spending time in other countries where the cost-of-living is cheaper and the dollar stretches more. While I am intrigued and excited by his ideas, I am still tied to the hour = payment model; however, I’m moving more towards the 4-Hour Workweek and appreciate the help provided by his book.

Even if you aren’t ready to quit your day job, Ferris has tips that will help you move towards more freedom in your work and personal life. Many of the “free” workshops and webinars, as well as the many subscription services available are based on this book and Napoleon Hill’s  “Think and Grow Rich”.  If you like to read, save yourself some money and purchase these books. The tips for success are proven and well-thought out. Ferris’s book, in particular, offers many resources for freeing yourself to do the things that excite you. The time you spend with your family and pursuing your dreams is well worth the $22.00 cover price. For the frugal, try finding a copy on half.com or at your local used bookstore. For those of you who can’t wait to read it, click on the link below.

Dad's squadron patch

Life coaching is about helping people reach their goals and discover their ability to transform their lives. When life deals us hard knocks, it is easy to react defensively. We may see the problems as external – caused by other people or institutions. In our anger, we magnify our significance. We forget we share this planet with 6 billion other people, each of whom has problems and concerns that are just as weighty as ours. By reframing our experiences and approaching others with openness and acceptance, we can reach the heights of personal and professional success. In this installation of Lessons from a Pilots Daughter, I hope to share some of the perspective gained from my experience as an Air Force brat.

We’re in this Together

Military families move almost every three years, so getting used to new places and people is required. During my father’s 20 years in the Air Force, he was assigned to bases in Texas, Florida and California. Additionally, he had extended assignments in South Korea and Cyprus. It may surprise some folks to find out how welcoming a military base can be. When I visited my father after my parents’ divorce, I was immediately accepted into the “kid culture” on base. Within hours, my social calendar would be filled with trips to the pool, roller rink and bowling alley. Even though I might miss a friend whose family had been reassigned, there would be a new friend for playing board games, overnights and other activities. Because military families move frequently, they become a part of the community quickly or risk being socially isolated. People exist within a community. If you are facing a change of career, moving to a new neighborhood or even attending a conference where you don’t know anyone, remember that we are all in this together. By smiling and extending your hand to someone else, you help create a sense of belonging.

Be Open to Other Cultures

After my dad finished flight school, he was stationed at Webb AFB as a flight instructor. His students included a number of Vietnamese pilots. Two of my favorites were Truck and Tie (phonetic spellings). Truck would entertain the children with magic tricks and Tie would push us in the hammock until we thought we’d flip over. After the Vietnamese pilots came the Kuwaiti pilots, who demonstrated acrobatic tricks for me. When my dad was in South Korea, he sent me pictures, dolls and stories about the culture. He also told some funny stories about pilots who ate too much kimchi. He always encouraged me to sample foods and learn about other cultures. This interest in the world led me to seek out friends who were from other cultures or backgrounds. By opening ourselves up to other cultures, we learn not only our differences, but about the common bonds we all share. If you have the opportunity to travel, take it! You can do this in your own town. Go someplace you wouldn’t normally go and strike up a conversation. Try a cuisine you’ve never had. If you are Buddhist, consider going to a Catholic mass. Likewise, if you are Catholic, check out the local Hindu temple or head over to a Gospel Revival.

Bird’s Eye View

My dad’s last assignment in the Air Force was flying U-2s as a member of the 99^th Reconnaissance Wing at Beale AFB in California. The U-2 is the highest flying single engine piloted aircraft, reaching altitudes of up to 70,000 feet (a commercial airliner can fly at approximately 33,000 feet). During air shows, I would marvel at the photographs taken from the U-2, some of which show the curvature of the earth. Even in a small-engine craft, as we ascend, houses appear to shrink into Monopoly pieces, people become ants, and highways become phosphorescent circulatory systems. When we step outside of our own life drama and take the bird’s-eye view, we can begin to imagine solutions or find the courage to face that which is unsolvable. Our problems, though they may loom large in the moment, are a tiny fraction of life on this planet. The saying, “time heals all wounds,” acknowledges the power of distance. Even times that seem dark acquire meaning in hindsight. By distancing ourselves from our problems in the moment, we can use our faith to move through them with grace and humility. Are there any challenges in your life that seem insurmountable? What is the view from above? Even if you cannot see the silver lining now, know that distance will bring new meaning to whatever is happening in the moment.

Read Lessons from a Pilot’s Daughter – Part 1

© Albix - Fotolia.com

So often, when I speak with someone who is divorced, the word “failure” comes up. We have been taught by religion, our families, and our culture that divorce is a failure of commitment. The following stories illustrate the transformative power of divorce. Whether you are the person who instigated the break up or the person who wanted to maintain the marriage bond, divorce can be a liberating and creative experience, a chance to become more authentic and define your desires in new and startling ways.

First off, I want to explain that up until 1999, I saw divorce as a failure of moral character. My parents divorced in 1975 and for many years I defined my life by that moment – the moment I lost daily access to my father. I laid the blame squarely at the feet of my mother, who bore the weight of my anger for the next 25 years. It was my own divorce in 2000, as well as the divorces of several of my friends, that gave me my first glimpse of the transformation that can occur during the process.

In 1998, my then-husband stood me up for a rare date to see a friend’s photography exhibit. That night I looked at him and told him I wanted a divorce. I was exhausted by the energy I spent keeping up the front of a functional marriage. The nights I spent wondering whether he was coming home, where he was, if he was with someone else or just having a night on the town with his buddies, were wearing me down. He asked me to stick it out with him and I did, for two more years, until the effort to keep myself under wraps in order to maintain the marriage became more than I could stand. When I left him, I left not only his family, but my history. We had been together for almost 15 years, 9 of them married. The breaking point came as I reawakened to myself. The interests he labeled “crazy,” were the interests that brought me joy. No longer was I willing to subject my spiritual leanings to scientific and logical arguments. No longer would I apologize or hide the intensity of my astrological studies. No longer would I apologize for working on the family history or making dolls for our daughters. I wanted to be around supportive people – people who “got me.” My “failure” to maintain the commitment brought me closer to empathy for my parents, which later became forgiveness. If we cannot forgive ourselves, how can we truly forgive others?

During this time, two friends ended their marriages due to an unwillingness to continue hiding their sexuality. As a friend of all four of the people involved, I witnessed not only the joy and guilt of the partners who were embracing their homosexuality, but the anger and bitterness of their spouses, who felt betrayed. During the darkest hours, it seemed as if the abandoned spouses would never be able to get over the betrayal and have a healthy relationship. Over time, both families have reached workable solutions. Family holidays are spent together – former spouses, current partners, extended family, friends, and children. One friend has shared her joy at going from being married to a half-husband to having two husbands! Her ex-husband’s partner fixes her computer, gives thoughtful gifts and helps with the children. In the meantime, she’s pursued her art with the support and encouragement of both men. In hindsight, the partners who left did not abandon their partners or themselves (which would be the outcome of staying in their marriages). As a result, everyone has grown due to the experience.

In another example, a close friend’s husband left her for a younger woman. For the first year, she attempted to save her marriage, courting her husband and working to understand his point-of-view. It didn’t succeed, and they were divorced. After many tears and long talks on her porch, she revealed the dreams she had put off. She had always wanted to be a nurse,and began to explore the idea of following that dream. Over the next five years, she finished a nursing program and is currently employed as an R.N. Additionally, she now cannot fathom being with her ex-husband, who was not a nurturing or warm presence in her life. His departure was a gift because she learned her own strength and followed her desires. She found a well of strength she was unaware of until she had to stand on her own.

None of this is to say that divorce is easy. For those of us who leave, we are occasionally plagued with guilt or doubts about the decision. Sometimes the pain of being alone can be so great, that we wonder if settling might not have been a better choice. I do know the opinion we have of the situation can help us overcome the doubt, fear and anger. I now see my marriage and my divorce as positive events in my life. I’m able to look back at the highs and the lows and cherish the whole package. With my ex-husband, I had an ally in the world. We shared friends, political views, and a lifestyle. We supported each other through the deaths of five grandparents and two close friends. We gave life to two interesting and interested daughters, who continue to amaze us. When I left him, I learned that I could support myself and follow my own path. I went dancing, reconnected with friends, started my own business and went back to graduate school. The very interests that pushed us apart, brought me fulfillment. I’m not sure what he thinks about it now; but from my perspective, he seems happy. He has a wife who shares his interests and he has left behind the days of escaping into a six-pack. Today he teaches meditation classes, travels, and is a supportive co-parent to our children.

© Sergey Rusakov - Fotolia.com

By re-framing divorce, we can come to a new understanding about who we are and what we want from life and our relationships. If you or someone you know is going through a divorce or breakup, Life Gardeners can help you re-frame the situation, identify your desires, and attract the life you choose to live. Pain is inevitable, but we choose whether we will suffer or learn through the experience. Are you ready to transform your life? Visit www.lifegardeners.com today.

Both my father and my grandfather were pilots in the US Air Force. My early childhood was spent in the company of flight suits, airplanes, men in uniform, pictures of men in uniform, pictures of airplanes, model airplanes and just about every accoutrement of flight available. My father retired from the USAF when I was in my early twenties. Within a year or so, he was flying for Southwest Airlines.

When my father retired from Southwest in 2008, I asked him what he would do next. He answered, “I’m going to fly to every aviation museum in the United States, starting in the Southwest.” The following lessons were learned in an airplane, but are applicable to life.

Lesson #1 – Mind over matter

I was five or six the first time my dad took me up in a small airplane. I had to clamber over the wing to get into the seat next to him. Over the years, flying with my dad was repeated again and again. Sometimes we would take long trips, flying from California to South Carolina or Florida. On one such trip, I drank too many sodas before we left and had to go to the bathroom. I begged my dad to land before my bladder burst. He looked at me and said, “mind over matter, Barb.” This phrase was repeated when I felt sick after swooping down over the Grand Canyon, where the horizon became confused with the reds, oranges, blues, and purples of the canyon. In both cases, I was able to use my mind to calm my body. Initially I did this to please my father, later I learned to use the technique any time I felt pain or discomfort, telling myself. When I was in labor with my youngest daughter, who was born at home, I recalled my father’s words as the pain washed over me. A wise person once told me that pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice. We have the ability to control our reaction to pain or discomfort. If a situation is physically or mentally uncomfortable, how can you use your mind to calm yourself? Daily meditation, yoga or martial arts training will strengthen your ability to focus your mind in times of stress.

Lesson #2 – Why out of a perfectly good airplane?

Every so often my father would have to go to survival training. He and a group of other pilots would jump out of airplanes, find their way through the desert to set-up camp, and practice survival. He would come back with a mustache and beard, which I found exotic and strange on his usually clean-shaven face. I wanted to know about it and was curious why he didn’t skydive, since it seemed like it might be fun. He told asked me, “why would anyone jump out of a perfectly good airplane?” This lesson is about commitment. As a pilot, his job is to get the plane in the air, keep it in the air, and make a safe landing. His commitment to the plane means he will attempt to land without harming the plane or himself. Many parents would willingly throw themselves in front of a moving train to move a child to safety, risking their own lives in the process. Look at your life. What are you truly committed to? Are there any areas where you’ve “abandoned the plane”? Make a commitment to yourself by examining your beliefs and values.

Lesson #3 – Have a flight plan

When we would get ready to go on one of our jaunts across the country, my dad would pore over flight maps and then call in our itinerary. The sky doesn’t have any road maps, traffic lights, or street signs and pulling over to ask for directions isn’t an option, either. So, planning was essential for the trips. While we were on our way to Texas one time we hit extremely rough turbulence. It also started to storm. My dad had to have me take over as co-pilot because the automatic co-pilot function wasn’t always reliable. My job was simple, just to follow directions. We had to stop earlier than planned, so my dad radioed the Air Traffic Controller and we landed at the next available airfield. Over the years, I became the navigator on road trips, armed with a map and a desired destination. Often I would have to change our course due to road construction, traffic or other obstructions. These experiences taught me that it is important to set your goals and establish a plan to achieve them; however, expect the unexpected and know when to change course or adjust the goal. Preparation is important if we want to arrive at our destination, but flexibility is important if we want to avoid storms, traffic and road blocks. What are your goals? Are you doing something now to move you closer to them? Have you hit a road block? If so, can you find a path around it or is it time to land the plane and reconsider? Listen to your intuition for the answers.

Lesson #4 – Check your instruments

Before we pull out of the hanger, my dad goes through a check list to make sure the plane is in good mechanical condition. Most of us have had the experience of a flat tire or some other malfunction while driving. The usual response is to pull to the side of the road and fix the flat or call a mechanic. When you are in the air, a malfunction can result in a sudden headlong plummet to the ground. This lesson reminds us to care for ourselves, keep our bodies and minds in working order. Eating a healthy and varied diet, meditation, and exercise help us reach our destinations. Take time to check your instruments. What have you done to increase your mental and physical health today?